One of the things I love about sex is the build up. Sometimes sexual tension lasts for a really long time – way before you actually get in bed. You might work with each other, go to school with each other, meet each other several times at various parties, and all the while the urge for each other gets stronger. It would be a shame to have it disappear because you treated him like an asshole.
In recent years, sex has become so blasé. Gay guys have developed their own routine around it that’s personal and, in a way, selfish. In an effort to protect our hearts and minds, we’ve trained ourselves to detach ourselves from any kind of emotional bond. Trust me when I say it’s only going to do more harm than good. You say want to make a real connection with a man? Try not doing these:
Don’t kick him out unceremoniously.
Have respect for the guy; after all, you were just inside of each other. If it’s late and you want to go to sleep, perhaps you should have thought twice before inviting him over close to midnight. When he leaves (or vice versa), don’t treat the situation like it didn’t matter at all – it’s so ungentlemanly. Have a level of respect.
Don’t take personal insecurities about your sex appeal out on him.
The fact that you’re having sex says multitudes about how he feels and thinks about you. Stop living inside your head all the time – you can’t assume that he’s having a bad time or that he’s not into you. When his penis deflates a little, 99.9% of time it has nothing to do with how sexy you are. The last thing you want is to fall insecure and start taking it out on him. You’re only going to feel like an asshole later on and he’s only going to be confused on the car ride home.
Never think it’s okay to play with his emotions (if he’s starting to like you).
Stop assuming you have power over him. The fact that another human being has taken an interest in you shouldn’t be a reason for you to test out a superiority complex. Having sex with someone who you know likes you can be a bit awkward, I get it. You’re trying not to let it turn into something serious, but never use this knowledge as a tool to treat him like a puppy. Everyone has limits – the idea that he’ll think you’re completely disgusting for treating him any less than what he is will be more traumatic to your ego than anything else.
Don’t give him false hope.
If you’re not interested in having sex again, for f*cks sake, don’t let him think it. You’re both big boys. You can take it. Never let him leave your house thinking he’s going to get a call the next day or that sometime soon, you’ll be inside each other again. Never leave the night saying things like, “I’ll call you tomorrow” or “This was one of the best I’ve ever had” or “You are so special” if it’s not true. You don’t need to kiss his ass, or, alternatively, make him feel like he wasn’t good. Be a gentleman and treat him with respect, and if nothing happens after that, so be it.
Don’t change your personality the second you finish.
I understand the man’s state of euphoria directly after he ejaculates, but it’s a state of peace, not a Jekyll/Hyde transition. Stop telling him what he wants to hear during sex only to morph into something else directly after. Unfortunately this is a sign of your true character. If sex can change your personality that easy, then you’re probably a pretty self-involved person. Above all, compassion is the one attribute every man must strive to keep.
Stop acting so naïve.
You don’t need to pretend you’re inexperienced at sex. While it’s kinda hot to teach you the ropes, it doesn’t just end there. Naivety isn’t as sexy as you think it is, because it also creates a need to keep the act going, which will branch off into other kinds of toxic flaws.
Stop stalling any kind of connection.
You make eye contact then look away immediately. You finish each other off then quickly rush to put your clothes on. Why are you so afraid of connecting with someone, especially a man who was inside you just five minutes prior? You can’t be so dismissive, I don’t care who you think you are. The fact is there’s a person in your bed who is extremely vulnerable. Don’t treat him like a Rentboy.
If he’s bad in bed, never give him notes.
You’re instantly an asshole when you decide to give him “notes” about where to put his mouth or how fast to do this, that, and anything else. If he doesn’t ask you, never take it upon yourself to become a teacher. Who the hell are you to teach him the ropes? A more kinder, gentler, way of doing it is by training him without words. Take advantage of the moment and lead him towards the right direction.
