On The DL: The Dangers Of Being Too Discreet

I’m sure every gay man at one time in his life had to be discreet. Coming out isn’t as hard as it used to be, but for countless of reasons unbeknownst to me, the need to be discreet is still vital. At the beginning, we train ourselves to sneak around, send secret texts to our lover to “meet us in the bathroom,” or begrudgingly take your laptop to your bedroom so no one in the house will find out. I can’t help but wonder if all this sneaking around has created an unintended consequence.

The reason why anyone has a need to be discreet is either due to shame or an obsession with privacy – after so many years of discreet behavior, have we expanded these traits to an unhealthy balance? I’ve seen countless of gay guys allowing themselves the trickery of discretion, placing every relationship under lock and key.

Years of sneaking around, if you’re not careful, can drive us insane. It feeds our paranoia and opens up a vessel for illogical thoughts and egocentric assumptions, which we usually take out on our boyfriends. The worst consequence of them all, however, is self-shame, for when we suppress our pride we feed the shame – an expanding tool.

Discretion used to be a part of our culture, but now, with so much progress happening in our society, the toxic aftermath of discretion is slowly disappearing because the need for it is gone. We don’t have to pretend anymore, yet, in certain areas of our country, the need to be discrete is still high.

When you are suppressing an impulse to touch and feel the man you love, you are unconsciously limiting yourself as a human. The subliminal message is that you’re not good enough for him, that your love doesn’t matter, or that you need to hide who you are – all are conflicts, which leads to even more discretion. The cycle never ends.

The greatest gift any gay man can give himself is a gift of spiritual freedom. Be free of it! Discretion has no place in the confines of your heart, especially when you already know the truth. I understand that there are many situations where one must be discreet, but when you’re old enough to decide for yourself (and there is nothing stopping you), why continue the charade? You’ve built a habit, a very bad one, and it’s time you learn how to reverse it.

Our brains work in tandem with how we act. Our subliminal mind has no choice but to believe the things we’re physically doing – both verbally and practically. The longer we play the “discreet game,” the more we’ll be stinting our progress; and more filth will get piled on top of our baggage. This will affect not just our relationship(s), but everything else in our lives as well. Our self-esteem will get questioned, our value will be left to the public to decide, and our innate sense of self will be blurred.

Being discreet is a survival mechanism we no longer require, unless you’re in an extremely desperate situation. It’s not a cat and mouse game gay guys should play for their own entertainment – the longer we do, the more damage we’ll invite. That sounds like a bad idea, right? Personally, I think we all need to do some well-needed soul searching to ask ourselves why we feel a need to be discreet anymore? If you can’t figure out three good reasons, perhaps it’s time to throw in the towel.

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