How To Fix A Relationship When You're Not Sexually Compatible

Sex either is a big deal or it isn't, but no matter where it falls on your scale of importance it helps if you and your partner are on the same page.  But what happens when you're not?   If you're worried that compatiblity may be an issue here are some things to keep in mind.

Amazing sex doesn't always happen right away.

You and your honey have been deep in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of your relationship, giving rabbits a run for their money for some time (wink!).  But then, predictably, hot every day sex started to dwindle into every other day sex (or less). And then, sex only when you can make time for it.  

What happens to a relationship when your desire for each other dwindles? Is it normal to feel taken off guard by your lover's not-so-subtle hints about doing something a bit kinkier in the bedroom? What if your partner stops meeting your sexual needs entirely? Doesn't he know orgasms go both ways?  

It turns out, people fail to even think about their sexual compatibility until there's already a problem. One of you feels angry or resentful that sex has become an afterthought. Or, because connection isn't happening outside the bedroom, things fizzle in the bedroom.

Is there a "right time" to have that intimate, and often awkward, conversation about your common (or NOT) sexual desires? Should it happen before you date too long, or only IF a problem eventually comes up?

The general consensus  is, of course, yes: Sexual compatibility is crucial to a successful long-term relationship. Few people really thrive in a loving relationship when their sexual needs, tastes and desires don't align.

BUT, even though we're inundated with sexual images in our culture, we are still a very sexually puritanical society. Often couples will discuss everything BUT sex when determining the potential longevity of their relationship. And that IS a problem.

Tonio Felts feels that "sexual compatibility really comes down to chemistry ... and that chemistry can be built ...’" he feels that early in a relationship, we shouldn't worry about sexual compatibility. Instead, we can build it through sharing, being authentic with each other, and showing concern for each other's needs and desires. Only after the relationship progresses in this way can we accurately assess whether our needs will ultimately be met in a mutually satisfactory way.

So, bottom line: If you're feeling sexually off kilter with your partner, you can fix the situation. Often all it takes is finding the courage to lovingly discuss what's wrong, talk to your partner about what you both need, and then find common ground.

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