There are many traits that are good predictors of how someone will treat their partner while in a relationship. Studies show most people focus on specific characteristics like, 'Does my partner have a stable job?' or 'Do they make me laugh?' Sure, these qualities are important, but while a person may appear to have a whole host of wonderful traits, what often goes unrealized is the importance of how that person deals with their anger. Here we take a deeper look into the man with a temper and list the warning signs.
We are not refering to a partner who is violent or abusive. Naturally, avoiding those types is a given. However, when refering to a temper, what I am specifically referring to is a person who overreacts to a situation when they are angry. By “overreacting” I am not necessarily implying that they are physically violent or verbally abusive. Although again, behaving in either of these ways would be inappropriate and inexcusable.
However, I am referring to other ways in which someone may overreact to a situation. For instance, if your partner ignores you for a week because you were 10 minutes late for your date, that is an overreaction. If they yell at you for disagreeing with them, that is an overreaction.
Understand the situation
When this type of person gets angry, they are not reasonable because they feel under attack and it is a life and death struggle. Most people have the maturity and self-control not to even consider injuring another person either physically or emotionally when they are angry. A person with a temper has one goal – to protect themself at any cost, even if that means hurting those they love.
Why would anyone — man or woman — still engage in temper tantrums as a grown adult? There are actually a few reasons, but one reason is particularly important: The people who engage in this behavior do so because they are able to get away with it without suffering serious consequences. Far too often, the loved ones tell themselves that the one with the temper can't truly change. I explain consistently with my clients that people can't necessarily change their personality but can certainly change their behaviors.
Having a temper tantrum as an adult reflects behavior that can be changed, as opposed to the more severe diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). In case you're not familiar with it, individuals with this disorder have anger problems, but the anger is so severe that it causes the individuals to be physically violent toward themselves, others, or property. With inidividuals who simply have bad tempers, they blow up, lash out, and scream, but they are often careful to avoid violence.
Don't overlook the warning signs
You should be concerned if your partner has a tendency to:
-Become hypersensitive to conflict. They are easily offended and often takes the slightest setback as a personal attack. Their hypersensitivity puts you in the position of having to walk on eggshells for fear of upsetting them.
-Constantly blame others for their misfortunes. In their minds, there is always an excuse as to why life isn’t what it should be, and they usually blame others for life's shortcomings. They do not take responsibility for their own happiness.
-Become excessively jealous and control your behavior. Have they told you it is because they love you so much or that they only want to help you? Do they tell you what to wear, who you can socialize with or where you can go? This is not love. This is considered control.
-Demand unrealistic expectations from you. Do they expect you to be perfect? Are you responsible for meeting their every need? If you disappoint them in any way, are you heavily penalized for it either through verbal abuse or passive aggressive behavior such as being ignored for days? There is no way an individual can live up to these types of expectations, and often it is difficult to always know exactly what the specific expectations are.
Will They Change?
The danger of being with this type of person? They often aren't interested in changing. In their mind, the problems that occur in a relationship are almost always their partners fault. Their temper can actually make you believe their unrealistic and childish expectations. Such a personmay be attractive when in a good mood, but the dark side will rob you of your self-esteem. If you are concerned and think you may be in a relationship like this, please be cautious and remember to always put yourself first.
What should you do when the person you love has a temper? Let me be clear when I say this: If someone in your house is guilty of adult temper tantrums, you must say "No more." You must create a "No Tantrum Policy" to protect the peace of your house and environment. Everyone must learn how to manage their feelings, and there are countless better outlets for getting rid of frustration when someone feels overwhelmed than to have an infantile mood implosion.
The most important thing to do if someone in your life has tantrums that affect you is to sit the person down and seriously describe how the tantrums affect you. Explain that you are willing to work together with that person to help him or her find better ways to cope when he or she feels overwhelmed. Have a mental time limit in your head of how long you are willing to give him to change, and stick to it. Force yourself to come out of the closet and let your closest friends and family members know that your partner has a problem and that you have set a time limit for the change to occur — no more protecting the one with the temper and hiding the truth from others. Honestly, you need to say certain things out loud to others to hear yourself admit that there's a problem, and you must enlist their support for the potentially rough road ahead.